Hi all how are you?
I've had abit of an up and down weekend I guess. I woke up on Saturday feeling very low and like I didn't want to get out of bed or exist. I forced myself out of bed and tried to do a couple of things I enjoy but nothing picked me up and I started craving drink to the point of very nearly acting upon it, theres a shop at the back of my house that sells lager and i was wrestling with my thoughts of wether to pop there and have a drink. I didn't in the end, I decided to try and focus on something so I arranged to go and visit my nephews and nieces the next day, the Sunday knowing that would keep me looking forward and force me to have an early night to catch an early train. I then had a nice long relaxing bath with a cup of herbal tea and went to bed ready for the next morning.
The next morning I woke up early after a nightmare filled night of sleep in which I had a panic attack and fell out of bed but I felt good because i was train bound to go and see my family and it was a superb day, i had so much fun with the kids and it made me smile so much, i thought that would be enough to help my mood. Late last night (Sunday) led in bed i started feeling anxious again and thinking in a scary about of detail about self harming, the first time in about 4 years I had these thoughts and the last time i acted on them. I fought with my inner demons led in my bed to the point of a panic attack and then that left me so tired i went to sleep and here we are, Monday morning.
My co-founding partner in the 'beAt' movement Caspar had a great day yesterday and secured us some premises and me and him are a buzz with ideas and making this grow day by day and he is an incredible influence on me so Im throwing myself into the work we are doing and spending time with him to help me out of this low and feeling flat feeling, also I have college later so thats good aswell!
here is vid of yesterday it makes me smile :)
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1664484653796974&pnref=story
I've had abit of an up and down weekend I guess. I woke up on Saturday feeling very low and like I didn't want to get out of bed or exist. I forced myself out of bed and tried to do a couple of things I enjoy but nothing picked me up and I started craving drink to the point of very nearly acting upon it, theres a shop at the back of my house that sells lager and i was wrestling with my thoughts of wether to pop there and have a drink. I didn't in the end, I decided to try and focus on something so I arranged to go and visit my nephews and nieces the next day, the Sunday knowing that would keep me looking forward and force me to have an early night to catch an early train. I then had a nice long relaxing bath with a cup of herbal tea and went to bed ready for the next morning.
The next morning I woke up early after a nightmare filled night of sleep in which I had a panic attack and fell out of bed but I felt good because i was train bound to go and see my family and it was a superb day, i had so much fun with the kids and it made me smile so much, i thought that would be enough to help my mood. Late last night (Sunday) led in bed i started feeling anxious again and thinking in a scary about of detail about self harming, the first time in about 4 years I had these thoughts and the last time i acted on them. I fought with my inner demons led in my bed to the point of a panic attack and then that left me so tired i went to sleep and here we are, Monday morning.
My co-founding partner in the 'beAt' movement Caspar had a great day yesterday and secured us some premises and me and him are a buzz with ideas and making this grow day by day and he is an incredible influence on me so Im throwing myself into the work we are doing and spending time with him to help me out of this low and feeling flat feeling, also I have college later so thats good aswell!
here is vid of yesterday it makes me smile :)
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1664484653796974&pnref=story
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