Time to write into the abyss again! helps me to offload though so yeah always a positive.

So this week I have been flat, in a low and dark place.  The first thing to point out is that I do have mental health problems so we shouldn't really be surprised that this happens, it is the nature of the beast and it has been known for weeks if not months now that my meds and there levels are wrong and need reviewing and this will hopefully happen soon.

I think aside from that part of the reason may be a few things have nagging at my mind from the past.  There are things I spent years repressing and avoiding by using substances, behaviors and losing my identity within relationships and now for the first time I have decided not to do anything other then to sit on my own as it was and find ME and as a result I am now giving these issues from the past the space they need to manifest.  These thoughts and memories are nagging at me in my waking, mediating and sleeping life.  It is all a matter of perspective in my opinion and I feel they are nagging at me now because its time, they are ready to be addressed and buried in the past so I can move on to a bright future.

I do feel like a hypocrite though because I always preach about mindfulness and living in the now, discarding the past and not worrying about the future, yet here I am letting things from the past pull me down!

I have now started attending NA fellowship meetings and I am optimistic about doing my step work and addressing these issues on a journey of self development and acceptance.

There has been a lot of concern about me this week from others and myself to be fair, but I am ok other then before mentioned issues, in myself Im ok.  Im abit tired, no scrap that A LOT tired as my insomnia is quite bad at the moment but I will be fine.  People keep telling me to slow down, I don't need to! Its a weird notion but low periods are like waves which need to be surfed out, they will pass and all I can do is force myself to keep my routine and consistency going and they will pass as quickly as they came

Love you all